


Suck It Up, This Is Life

by charcolor



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Child Neglect, F/F, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Songfic, Spirits, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-01-30 10:47:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21426958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charcolor/pseuds/charcolor
Summary: You put her through the torture of being alive, and you expect any sort of sympathy from what remained of her?You're not the victim here.(based off of the song SIU by MARETU)
Relationships: Gumi/Hatsune Miku
Comments: 3
Kudos: 13





	Suck It Up, This Is Life

**Author's Note:**

> me: i'm _done_ writing maretu song fics  
maretu: releases SIU  
me: H
> 
> (warning: "suicide" is already in the tags but there are heavy themes of suicidal ideation along with it, so i recommend against reading this if you are currently having serious suicidal thoughts. i promise you can have a happy ending.)

Gumi wasn't quite sure what love was.

Her parents acted like they loved each other, but when Gumi was younger, they would always be fighting whenever they thought she was out of earshot. Things like "you never do anything right" and "I'm sick of your bullshit excuses." As Gumi got older, they stopped bothering to try hiding it. That was what love was, but it didn't seem right to her.

They never hurt Gumi. Or at least, they didn't mean to. Sometimes one of them would threaten to abandon the other, either threatening to leave Gumi behind or take her away. And sometimes, if they thought Gumi couldn't hear them, they'd say that Gumi was the reason they were here, and she was the reason that they couldn't be happy, and if only her mother hadn't gone and given birth to her, everything would be fine.

Gumi tried to please them by doing whatever chores that had been neglected and agreeing with whatever they said. They would say that they loved her, but it didn't feel right.

Gumi was fortunate enough to attend a public school. She wasn't any good at making friends, mostly due to just not knowing how to talk to people, but she enjoyed the academic environment and the sense of safety it offered her. In her high school, things were peaceful. There was no drama or fighting, at least none that Gumi witnessed, and her good grades were enough to please all her teachers. 

Gumi still didn't know what love was until a beautiful girl befriended her.

They met when Gumi was walking home from her bus stop in the evening. The girl seemed to glow in what remained of the sunlight. She idled on the sidewalk, clasping her hands gazing at the sky, seeming to be waiting for someone. Instead of a typical school uniform, she wore a loose white blouse and gray dress pants. She looked up as Gumi approached, and smiled sweetly.

"You always walk home alone, I noticed," she said. "I wanted to walk with you this time."

Gumi tugged on her collar, not sure how exactly how to react. "Did you, um...you watch me when I walk home?"

The girl nodded. "I'm sorry. There's no one else to watch. What's your name?"

Gumi felt herself smile, somewhat in disbelief at the joy of being able to talk to someone. "I'm...my name is Gumi."

"Gumi," the girl repeated quickly. "My name is Miku. Can I walk with you?"

The idea of having some company for once made Gumi happy, so she accepted the offer. "Where do you live?" she asked as they walked. "I don't see you at school, so..."

Miku giggled, softly and sweetly. "I don't go to high school."

"Oh...I thought you were my age."

"No, I'm sixteen. I just...choose not to go to school." Miku grasped Gumi's hand without warning, but Gumi honestly didn't mind the sudden serene chill against her skin. "I live in the forest near here. It's quiet, and I like quiet places."

"So do I," Gumi replied. "Maybe...my house isn't very quiet, so maybe I should live in the forest one day, too."

"Maybe! I hope so!" Miku released Gumi's hand to fidget with one of her turquoise pigtails. "It does get lonely, sometimes..."

There was a comfortable moment of silence.

"Do you live by yourself?" Gumi asked. "I don't think I could handle not going to school if I didn't live by myself."

Miku hummed for a second, which seemed a little odd since the question was so straightforward, but she answered soon enough. "I don't live all alone. I'm usually by myself in my home, though. My guardians aren't usually with me and I don't have any siblings." She stopped fidgeting with her hair to twirl it around her fingers. "What about you? Do you have a family?"

Gumi nodded. She realized very quickly that she had no idea how to explain how she felt about her parents. She loved them, and they loved her, but that felt wrong, somehow.

She was caught off guard when Miku suddenly stopped in her tracks, and almost tripped over her own feet trying to stop alongside her. She glanced around, but they still weren't near Gumi's house, so Gumi asked, "Is this where we part ways? Is your house near here?"

"You don't have to go back."

Miku's sweet smile still lingered on her face, her eyes twinkling in the fading sunlight with something Gumi didn't know how to interpret. 

"Go back?" Gumi repeated, tugging at the collar of her blouse. "Of course I have to. If I don't, my parents might forget to give me dinner. And I have to shower and sleep and everything, too."

"Oh...I see." Miku averted her eyes and clasped her hands. "Forgive me, I didn't..."

Then Gumi realized, "Oh! Did you want me to visit you? I'm sorry that I can't."

Miku's bright smile quickly returned as she looked back up and relaxed her hands. "Oh, please, don't be! I'll still be in the forest tomorrow. We can always spend time together tomorrow, or the day after. Whenever you want to!"

It was such a wonderful thought that Gumi had no idea how to feel. Suddenly, someone showed such kindness and interest in her to want to spend time with her, and in the forest, it would be so peaceful and relaxing, away from the cacophony of rage always burning through her home.

"I would...I think I would like that." Gumi didn't think she would ever ask anyone, but it seemed so easy to say, "Could we be friends?"

Miku giggled, a very soft, pleasing melody. "We're already friends, Gumi!"

Gumi didn't quite realize it, but as she walked away from Miku that evening, she was beginning to understand what love was.

* * *

Gumi was seventeen years old when she had her first kiss.

For almost a year, she'd been sneaking out of the house--not that it took much effort to leave without her parents noticing--to visit Miku in the woods. Sometimes they would relax in the cozy rustic cottage that Miku called home, but they would often be exploring together.

"Have you ever found a four-leaf clover?" Miku asked one day, as they sat among wildflowers together.

"No," Gumi answered. "I've never looked for one."

Miku giggled, and Gumi's heart lept in admiration at the sound of Miku's adorable joy. "Well, look!" She opened the satchel sitting beside her and slowly pulled out a clover. "I found one this morning!"

Gumi gasped, and clapped her hands together. "So you have really good luck today!"

"Mm-hmm! I wanna see how good it is!" Miku lifted the clover to her lips, and very softly kissed against the four leaves. "Hm, Gumi...can I see if it rubs off on you?"

Gumi felt her heart burst with...not shock, not fear, but joy. A special kind of joy she felt when thinking of what Miku was asking.

She nodded, and then finally found out what love was.

* * *

With love came fear, to take its place when that angelic girl was absent.

Both of Gumi's parents were at the dinner table with her, eating some leftover noodles that hadn't been heated up for too long, and were almost as cold as the bitter glares exchanged between her parents.

"I know what love is, now. I know you never gave it to me, and you never knew it to begin with." If Gumi were brave, she would have voiced that thought. But the thought of that routine of rage redirecting toward her was too petrifying.

Instead, she cleared her throat, to make sure her voice wasn't too weak, and she said, "Tomorrow, I'm going to visit my friend Miku."

"Miku...?" Her mother repeated the name slowly, lacing it with suspicion as her gaze slid to Gumi. "Who is this?"

"I met her when walking home from my bus stop last year. She doesn't go to school, she lives in the woods. It's very...quiet, there."

Was that subtle enough?

Her father stood and took his empty dish from the table. "You shouldn't be wasting your time with people who live in the woods."

"Now, now, dear," Gumi's mother scolded with a false gentleness. She turned back to Gumi. "You shouldn't be heading off into the woods, now, sweetie. You don't know what could hurt you out there, or who this Miku really is. Your father and I just want to keep you safe."

"Masami," her father addressed the woman. "Gumi's already been to the woods. She said it's quiet in the woods, how would she know if--"

"Be quiet, Shuji." Gumi's mother shook her head in exaggerated disappointment and reached for Gumi's hair. "Is this girl the reason you went and dyed your hair green? I _knew_ high school was a disaster waiting to happen."

"I didn't meet Miku at school," Gumi reminded her.

"Well, the point still stands. Without us watching over you at home, we don't know what could happen to you."

"You're never paying attention to me anyway."

Gumi said it as a polite reminder, but they all quickly realized exactly what she was saying. And the fear grew with the knowledge that Gumi had just accused her parents of something, something they could now use to argue with her.

"Masami." Gumi's father stood and crossed his arms. "We're going to have to take care of something."

* * *

She saw the other demons for the first time.

They didn't look so awful to the naked eye. In fact, before knowing everything that she did, they actually had seemed like pleasant people. Did that façade work in public?

Of course, they stayed close to the angel more often. With that door torn from its hinges, it was already hard to survive in solitude without constantly being dragged out into some petty dispute that only drove her to tears, and they'd bark at her over and over, "suck it up, this is life." She started whispering something over and over into her pillow, but of course, she couldn't be heard from outside the window.

Time was running out. She had to be saved. But the demon that was watching could easily be caught and taken back into sin if she were seen. It was a very dreadful outcome for someone trying so hard for salvation, not just for her own humanity, but for all the poor victims of what she used to be a piece of.

Especially that angel who she loved so much.

Finally, one day, both of them eventually left the angel alone temporarily, after vaguely threatening her into staying put. They locked the door--they'd never used to do that, and being so ignorant of typical practices, they hid it under the mat. They disappeared, and the other demon saw her chance.

She unlocked the door, and called the angel's name. She didn't hear a response, but she realized her voice was probably just too quiet. Fortunately, from her watching, she knew where to find her. 

She called for the angel again, and heard an answer that was too choked up to be recognizable.

* * *

_ **"Are you running away?"** _

_ **"What other option do I have?"** _

_ **"Please, it doesn't have to end like this. You can leave, you don't have to come back, we can be safe together."** _

_ **"You don't know that. They'll find me, they'll always find me, and they'll hurt you. You're only cursing yourself by wanting to be close to me."** _

_ **"Don't you remember? It wasn't so long ago that your lips were against mine. We could stay like that forever."** _

_ **"You don't know what this is like. An angel like you wouldn't know how it feels to be brought into the world like this."** _

_ **"I'm not an angel. You're the angel, don't you know?"** _

_ **"Then please, if I'm such an angel...let me go home."** _

And in that moment,

that angel began to dangle from the ceiling.

* * *

The demon kept her lips to the angel's for long after they had gone cold. When she whispered, that, too, was weaved through icy shame.

"Oh, Gumi, my angel...you truly never deserved to live in this human world."

Miku twirled the limp strands of green hair around her fingers. It still felt so soft, even after all the time it took for Gumi to grow unkempt and unhinged.

"Do you think all other demons would point and laugh at me, if they watched me love you?"

Miku started to laugh, very softly, a bitter melody for herself.

"It really is laughable, isn't it? I could have never been your angel. I could have never been able to save you from anything. All I could do was love. In this world, a demon's love is just too weak."

Miku sat there for a while longer, with Gumi's body resting its head in her lap, the mark still imprinted on her neck from the noose swaying over them. Slowly, Miku grasped Gumi's hand and forced a smile.

"Love is too weak...but when it becomes wrath, everyone is at our mercy."

* * *

The doors were locked, shut impossibly tight, sealing the space with a force that stopped time itself. Miku carried the corpse of her bride throughout, breathing venom through her smile, glimmering with the tears that always trailed across it.

"Have you ever felt trapped like this?" Miku asked, not daring to look up from Gumi's sleeping face. "Before your façade was so easily shattered, I imagine you wouldn't have."

The floorboards creaked underneath her dirt-clouded feet. It reminded Miku how heavy Gumi's body really was, even if, to her, it felt lighter than air.

"Maybe you would've said so. You carelessly forced that angel into this world, that poor child who never knew love...you made that choice. You trapped her in this world, and you have the audacity to declare yourselves the victims because of your worthless squabbles that did nothing but surround her with that debilitating hatred."

Miku traced a finger along Gumi's cheek.

"And now...look what you've done. Look what came out of it. A hanged angel, and your eternal punishment."

Miku smiled again, staring straight into the wide eyes of the demons, brimming with their crocodile tears.

"All I've wanted, since I escaped from the likes of you...all I've wanted was to love an angel enough to save her from the pieces of what I could've become. But I failed. I'm not a hero. All that's left to do is ensure that her demons can never find her again. And I can only make you feel how she did, for all those years she spent under your thumb."

Miku held Gumi's body close to her. The demons cowered before them.

"Do you think this is going too far? All this over the death of one angel? Do you think this is so much worse than what you deserve?"

Miku felt her grin widen as she leaned in close to whisper to the demons.

"Suck it up. This is life."


End file.
